As an aspiring senior approaching college graduation, I was one of the few in my school invited to apply for a coveted internship. This well-paid position brought you near the C-suite of one of the largest employers in Northwest Ohio and an international powerhouse.
The choice came down to me – college newspaper reporter, editor of a book on the American presidency, and someone who worked two jobs through college and maintained a 4.0 G.P.A. — versus a talented guy with less experience and a lower grade point.
He got the job.
Why? There may be many reasons. One likely answer is that the man in charge of interviewing had a “bad” experience with a prior female intern. She left her post prematurely to join her fiancé in another state. And, as he confirmed during our interview, I was engaged.
Who knew that would be one of many life experiences on the short-end of a very pointed stick? I carry some memories that have been branded by the pain of sexism, racism, homophobia, bias against people with disabilities, even good ‘ole Southern boys who didn’t hide their contempt for damn Yankees. The list is lengthy. And, I’m a straight white girl. Imagine if I were black.
Yet, because of my faith and hopefully some degree of maturity, I am grateful for these experiences. Knowing how it feels to be treated as lesser simply because of genetics gives me greater insight and empathy for everyone subjected to “isms”.
I can’t understand exactly what others endure or the trauma that haunts them. But I can say definitively that no one enjoys feeling objectified, judged, demeaned, excluded, labeled, humiliated, ignored, or feared. And, while I lost a job opportunity, my life was not threatened by that person’s discriminatory thinking.
It’s excruciating to share the specifics of these incidents. You feel as if you’re responsible, as if another person’s judgment reflects your own faults and failures. Malcolm Gladwell’s groundbreaking book Blink describes the human brain’s capacity to precisely process data at incredibly high speeds even with limited information. When used positively, this gift arms art critics to spot a fake sculpture on sight or guides firefighters to veer left in a smoke-filled hallway. Alternatively, it can also be the snap judgment that determines whether we get a job, a loan or arrested.
And the truth is, the judgments made by other people typically reflect little to nothing about us. Their own attitudes, opinions, misperceptions, preoccupations, emotions, bias and ignorance create a soupy mess by which they make decisions. They reach a verdict even when we don’t have a defense attorney or a trial.
Their choices are flavored by the stone soup of our culture though. When our norms explicitly or implicitly reinforce negative stereotypes, individual conclusions go further off the rails. For instance, look at the growing pile of research that suggests our society sees black men and boys as larger and more threatening than white counterparts of the same size and weight. Widespread misperception leads to collective limiting biases.
I survived the disappointment of that first internship, just as I’ve pushed past the other kinds of life-limiting snap calls. As a friend once said, I understand what it feels like to be “stuck outside the candy store with my nose pressed to the glass.”
I’m grateful for whatever limited insights I’ve gained from the “isms” of my life.
